The Ten Commandments of Effective 1:1 Meetings

The 1:1 (one-on-one) meeting…. When it works well, it’s great and it can boost employee engagement. When it fails, it’s a giant waste of time.

After reflecting on how I use 1:1 time with my employees and how I interact with my manager, I decided to stop and re-think my approach. I did some research, found some great tips, and I thought I’d summarize what I found – including some tips from my own experiences. I list several resources below, too, so if you find this post helpful be sure to check out the links at the bottom.

Keep in mind there are two angles when I talk about 1:1 meetings: 1) You are likely having a 1:1 with your manager on a regular basis, and 2) If you are a manager, you are likely meeting 1:1 with your employees on a regular basis. If you aren’t meeting like this on a regular basis, see item 1 below.

1. Schedule the meetings
   We’ll start simple. Book meetings with your manager and your employees on a recurring basis. I recommend weekly meetings. If it’s on your (and their) calendar, you’re more likely to establish the habit of meeting regularly, instead of relying on catching up ad-hoc when (if?) your schedules align.
2. Prepare and prioritize
   Spend a few minutes prepping for the meeting. Figure out what information you need, what you want to say, and prioritize your thoughts in case time runs out. Get to the important stuff first.
3. Don’t just use 1:1 meetings for status updates
   I’ve been guilty of this in the past, and it’s taken me a while to realize that status updates should be tracked using internal systems, spreadsheets, etc. This is meeting is your time with the actual person, spend the time with them!
4. Turn off your monitor and put away your phone
   This is common courtesy. You should be having a 1:1 meeting with the other person, not a 1:1:1 meeting with them and your computer/cell phone. Eliminate distractions and give them the proper attention they deserve.
5. Listen
   Listen for what is not being said in these conversations. No need to over-analyze, just have your antennae up to pick up any words or phrases that trigger questions for you. Use open-ended questions when you want more information. And speaking of listening, make sure to give the other person ample time to finish their thought; don’t interject or jump in until the time is right.
6. Ask open-ended questions
   Encourage conversation by asking questions that elicit more than a yes/no response. Open-ended questions help guide the conversation and ultimately get more information out on the table. A few examples:
   • That’s interesting – tell me more…
   • Why did you feel that way?
   • Why do you suppose she said that?
   • Would you give me an example…?
   • How are you feeling about that approach?

   You can also use engagement questions with your employees, to check in on their emotional state and level of engagement.

   • Are you feeling challenged?
   • Are you feeling motivated?
   • Are you feeling supported?
   • Are you feeling connected?
   • Are you happy?

   After each question, ask for more information. "Why or why not? Tell me more about that…"

7. Be a coach
   If the situation is right, provide coaching and/or constructive feedback based on what you’re hearing. This is most appropriate if you’re meeting with your employees, not your manager. Maybe you can help your employee navigate a delicate decision or see a perspective different from their own. Guide them without giving them all the answers; teach them to fish, so to speak.
8. Ask for feedback
   Ask the other person, whether it’s your manager or one of your employees, to help guide your performance by providing feedback. A few starter questions:
   • Do you have any feedback for me?
   • What can I do better?
   • What do you see as my strengths?
   • What areas could I improve?
   • If you were me, what would you do differently?

   If you ask these questions, you must be open to receiving feedback! If you do not agree with the feedback, take time to process it before reacting. After all, their feedback may be accurate, inaccurate, or based on a perception. Either way, think on it and then decide how to react.

9. End with a purpose
   Alright, so you’ve asked great questions and you’ve listened well. Now what? Be sure to thank the person for their time and agree on next steps. Send a short summary email describing what you covered and outline any steps that need to be taken. Don’t lose momentum!
10. Go for a change of scenery
    Changing up the location can prevent 1:1 meetings from becoming dull and predictable. Meet while walking around outside, while hanging out in the lobby of your building, or at a nearby coffee shop. If you’re lucky enough to have a game room in your building, have the meeting over a game of ping-pong. Either way, don’t have more than 2 or 3 meetings in a row in the same place. Just grab a notebook and go.

That’s it! None of these steps are rocket science – it just takes the act of committing to better meetings. Give it a shot!

Additional Resources for Effective 1:1 Meetings

Articles

• Forbes: What Are Some Good Tips For 1:1s With Your Employees?
• LinkedIn: Manager Tips for effective 1:1 meetings
• 10 Tips for Having 1 on 1 Meetings with Your Boss

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